As a mother of two children, I have experienced how important and laborious it is to create a loving, positive environment. However, we often forget we were a child too. We often get into the adult mood and get into the parent mood. We actually forget how we felt when we are a child; remembering how we felt is an essential skill to create a positive experience for our children.
Today the issue may be cell phones. In your time, it may have been the TV. There’s always been a distraction. Remember how you felt when your parents told you to do something and told you not to do something.
How many of us went and did that exact thing that our parents told us not to do?
How many of us are now saying the same thing to our children?
Don’t look back on what your parents did.
Look at how you felt. A lot of people parent the way their parents did, without even knowing. You may not even be happy with the way your parents did it, but still using the same things. It doesn’t mean that you can’t use some of those approaches, but reflect on how you felt.
Introduce your children to their role models. This is one of the most significant issues that all parents have: We are not our children’s role models. We need to introduce them to their role models. I can’t entirely agree with this one. I think we can also be great role models for our children, besides their other role models.
When you hear it from someone you respect in your own life, you’re more likely to follow it. Books/podcasts/ content can be inspiring for your children.
Avoid creating a controlling and conflict-based environment. If you disagree with your children, why do you think arguing with them will make them decide? Listening to them will help so much. You don’t want to create conflict with a child to have them understand. Example: Every time your child doesn’t want to study, instead of forcing it to look, ask:
»Why don’t you wanna learn?
« It is about starting a conversation and listening rather than saying: »No, get back to your study! No, do it! It’s good for you!« No, do it! It’s good for you doesn’t motivate anyone.
If you start conflict, your children will argue back. If you create a conversation, your children have a real opportunity to understand what’s good for them and make their own choices.
Explain the Why. How many times as a child did you ask the question, why? Why do I have to do that? Why are we doing this? Why was it never encouraged in most homes? Parents said things like:
»It doesn’t matter! Just do it! We did it. We’ve always done it this way.
« If you explain to your children why you want them to do something and your reason is amazing, you will save yourself time and energy. We explain things often with a lot of aggression.
» Don’t you know what’s going to happen to you if you don’t do XYZ?
«That’s not the why. That’s a predicted result/ a false assumption result. You want to be able to explain to them why before they even ask. The truth is you may find out that there is plenty of stuff that you do that you don’t know why you are doing it. This applies to every single person in your life!
