Why do some people always seem so calm and peaceful-like while the rest of us seem to be constantly anxious, stressed, and overwhelmed?
Of course, everything from your current life stressors to your genetics probably plays some role in how calm or distract you feel regularly. But here’s the thing a lot of people don’t realize, they can practice their day-to-day life:
Whether through intentional planning or dull luck, consistently calm people have developed habits that help to keep them feeling calm even when things get stressful and uncontrolled.
If you want to become a calmer person, I encourage you to cultivate these 6 habits.
“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.”
― Bruce Lee
For example:
- Suppose your partner isn’t very supportive of you, especially during any housework. You’ve asked him several times to be more supportive, but nothing changes.
- So you’ve gotten in the habit of telling yourself stories about how he should be supportive — and how that’s what good partners do. And you do this because it temporarily gives you something to do that feels good — like you can control things.
- Of course, in the long run, these expectations are unrealistic. They will continue to get violated, leading to a steady stream of disappointment, frustration, and decidedly non-calm moods and mindsets.
People who keep a calm mind know that high expectations’ long-term stress isn’t worth the short term-relief they bring.
“Instead of worrying about what you cannot control, shift your energy to what you can create.”
― Roy T. Bennett
- No matter how good a parent you are, your kid may still struggle or screw up sometimes.
- No matter how hard you study, there may be questions you couldn’t anticipate and get wrong.
On the Other hand, remarkably calm people avoid taking full responsibility for outcomes because they know that the only thing they have anything close to complete control over is their actions:
- You’re responsible for doing your best for your children, not for how they turn out as human beings.
- You’re responsible for how well you study, not for whether you got a B+ or an A-.
Now, I know this all might sound a little drastic at first, but I’d encourage you to take a pause and think a little more deeply.
“I realize there’s something incredibly honest about trees in winter, how they’re experts at letting things go.”
― Jeffrey McDaniel
For Example:
- Even though you’re exhausted and have a big day tomorrow at work or uni, you say yes to your friend’s invitation to go out drinking because you’re afraid you might miss out on an entertaining evening.
- Even though you committed to cooking all your own meals this week and working on your diet, you agree to go out to dinner with your colleague because it’s the grand opening of a super cool new restaurant and could be AMAZING!
Of course, that doesn’t mean you should never accept spontaneous invitations! But it’s very easy to get in the habit of always gratifying FOMO. And when you do, your long-term values, commitments, health, and peace of mind usually suffer.
They embrace the joy of missing out simply means that you remind yourself that even though you might missing out on something enjoyable now, but in the long-term joy that comes from keeping promises to yourself, taking care of your health and wellbeing, and being accessible to make decisions based on your values rather than passing on fears.
